A SOLDIER And His Furby
by AxuMutunL
Summary: Zack bought a Furby on eBay; need I say more?
1. Victim One: Sephiroth

"Cloud! Cloud! Come here!"

"What the heck Zack? It's six AM! Whaddaya have to show me on a Sunday morning at freakin' six AM?"

"_This!_ I was on eBay last night!"

Zack held out a little box to the blonde.

"Open it! C'mon!"

Cloud opened the box, revealing a smaller purple one.

"A _Furby? _You spent your paycheck on a mechanical talking owl?"

"Yeah!"

Zack eagerly picked up the phone as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Good morning Zackary, I wanted to-"

"SEPH! I GOT A FURBY!"

"Ummm…So you did….anyway, I need you to come to my office. Now."

"Ohhhh, have I been bad?"

"Zackary Fair!"

"Coming, Seph!"

**xxx**

"Sooo…..Whatcha need?"

Zack smirked…the Furby was behind his back all along.

"I need you to take over for the day. I'm leaving for a meeting outside the building. I'll get someone else if you're too wrapped up in your…_Furby…._"

"Oh no, everything's great. I'll do it!"

"Try not to break anything, Zackary"

"Can't promise that…"

When Sephiroth walked out, Zack squealed like a girl, setting his little Furby on the desk, staring at it as if it'd do something.

"FEED ME"

It came from absolutely nowhere...the Furby?"

"Was that...you?"

Zack tried not to laugh as the Furby suddenly opened its eyes, staring hard at him.

"DO IT!"

Poor Zack was clueless as to what a Furby was supposed to eat.

"C'MOOOON YOU MORON!"

The SOLDIER picked the wrooooong time to get a Furby….

"Hello**, **operator? I have a hacked Furby! What do Furby's eat?"

Silence.

"THEY HUNG UP ON ME!"

Zack dialed another number.

"Yes, may I please speak to the manager of the toy department? MY FURBY'S BEEN HACKED!"

"Yes sir may I help you?"

"Yes ma'am, what do Furby's eat? Not regular ones either, mine's hacked! What do _hacked_ Furby's eat?"

Silence.

"THEY HUNG UP ON ME AGAAAAAAINN!"

The poor boy dialed ANOTHER number.

"Cloud! Cloud, the Furby is HACKED! What do I do!"

"Zaaaaack! Leave it to you to be outwitted by a toy…Just destroy the freakin' thing!"

"But I don't wanna hurt the Furby! I just wanna know what hacked Furbys are supposed to eat! It's asking me to feed it!"

"FEED MEEEEEEE!"

"Seeeeee?"

''Gosh, Zack, call the operator."

"They hung up on me!"

"Toy department?"

"They don't care."

"Zack…"

"Hold on, Cloud, it's talking again…"

"YOU MORON…I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Cloud, can I call you back?"

Silence.

"HE HUNG UP ON ME!"

The Furby started shooting fire from it's demonic eyes, vaporizing a stack of papers before moving to the ceiling.

"Heeeeeeyy! Stop it!"

"DIE DIE DIE!"

"Uhhh…Oh maaaan…eBay _lied to me_!"

"I SMOKE CRAAAAAAACK!"

"What?"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR MOMMY WITH AN AX!"

"W-what? WHAT KINDA CRAP DO PEOPLE SELL ON eBAY?"

"Zackary?"

"S-Seph…SEPH! Ummm….Uhhhmmm…Surprise?"

The office was bursting in flames…

"Zackary."

"Yeah?"

"Don't EVER go on eBay again!"

"Yes. Seph."

The Furby suddenly grabbed a Fire materia out of nowhere,and aimed at Zack and Sephiroth.

"HOLY LORD!"

Sephiroth quickly grabbed the Furby,and drove massamune right through it. Immediately, the office, as Zack noticed, wasn't echoing vulgar.

Zack quickly ran away, not wanting the same thing to happen to him.

"Now I have to clean the office, and_ I_ have to pay for furniture…!"

"Zack, _you_ bought the Furby."

"IT WAS LIMITED EDITION!"

"They have limited edition fire-breathing Furbys?"

Zack smiled. "I guess."

That night, Zack noticed a Furby staring from Cloud's bed…

"Oh no…"

**PLEASE REVIEW! ;)**


	2. Victim Two: Aerith

"Aerith?"

Zack catiously slipped into the church, looking for his flower girl.

"Hi Zack!"

"Aerith, you won't believe what happened yesterday! I bought a hacked Furby on eBay!"

"Yes, Zack, and I kissed a girl." She chuckled, praying that Zack knew she was using sarcasm.

"WHAAAAAAAT?"

Apparently not…

**xxx**

"Maybe if I buy ooooone more it'll be in tip-top shape!"

Zack found a limited edition Furby on eBay, only this one wasn't Fire based. It was Water based. There were only 2 left.

"HIGHEST BIDDER! SUCKERS!"

"ZACK! GO TO SLEEP!"

"Cloud! I have the _perfect _Furby!"

"I don't ever want you to say Furby again,Zack…"

"Here!"

Zack was holding a little blue Furby, much to the blonde's dismay. "It came with a halo and a pair of wings, too!"

The SOLDIER took out the plastic wings and halo, attached by a thread, and clipped them onto little Furby's back.

"There!"

"Go to bed Zack, it's 2 in the morning…."

**xxx**

"Aerith? Hey, gotta surprise for ya!"

"Hm?"

"IT'S A FURBY!"

"Zack…."

"Come now, it's not spitting vulgar like yesterday, good sign."

"HEY THERE CUTIE PANTS"

"What was…That?"

"Oh no…"

"LEMME GIVE YAS A KISS!"

"Zack! It's…Talking?"

"F-Furbys do that, Aerith…It's alright…I hope…"

"I think it likes you, Zack!"

"HEY HOTT STUFFS"

"Holy-"

The Furby started jumping up and down, almost into Aerith's flower bed, but Zack was able to stop it.

"Better than it was yesterday I guess…"

"HEYY ARE YA MARRIED?"

"Wh-what?"

"I SAIDS ARE YA MARRIEDD!"

Part of him didn't wanna answer that…

"YES OR NOOOO!"

Suddenly the angry Furby started shooting water all over the place. It didn't say in the description it was that_ cold_.

Zack immediatley went over to shield Aerith, even though they both were already soaked.

"BACK OFF HE'S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

"Zack, this thing's scaring me…"

_The flowers!_ His mind screamed, but it was basically them or her.

But he knew just what to say…

"Ummm…ummm…I'M MARRIED!"

"Zack?"

"WHERE IS SHE!"

"S-somewhere out there…I think!"

"IMA KILL HER!"

When the Furby's back was turned, Zack swiftly pulled out a Fire materia and burned the hacked toy to a crisp.

"Zack, the flowers! Oh and, you're single right?"

"Course not," he said softly while kissing her on the forehead. "Just not married!"

"I see…" She blushed slightly, and Zack noticed. "Haha…I'm so sorry Aerith…OH the flowers!"

The girl's precious flowers remained unharmed.

"Oh hurray"

"Don't apoligize, Zack,that was actualy quite thrilling."

"But who keeps selling limited edition_ hacked_ Furbys on eBay?"

Aerith shrugged. "Next time buy it fom the store."

"BUT AERITH! I caaaan't! I neeeeed limited edition Furbys!"

"Why?"

Zack sniffled. "I'm lonley sometimes…"

"Awww you poor child."

"So what about this then?" Zack walked over and picked up the flirtatious little thing that was once a fluffy little Furby. Then he opened the door…

"WHO WANTS FURBY ASHES! IT'S LIMITED EDITION!"

"MEEEEEEEEE!"

Aerith rolled her eyes. Leave it to Zack to buy_ two_ hacked Furbys….

Soon to be three…

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	3. Victim Three: Reno

**-Chapter Three-**

**A treat for your patience! Ahhhhhhhh it's good to be back! Choosing my third (and most likely final T.T) victim wasn't easy, and was actually last minute.**

**There is no proof that Zack is an Aquarius, but based on his personality I'll pretend (So this is set around January). Thank you all for your patience. Peace! 333**

Today was no ordinary day. It was Zack's birthday, and the world would never be the same.

"WOOHOO! SWEET SEVENTEEN BABY! YEEEAH!"

"Zack?" Cloud mumbled from under the covers, "People are trying to sleep."

Zack calmed his voice, but his beautiful smile still graced his face. "Sorry. Not my fault I'm an earlybird."

Cloud couldn't help but grin. "I got you a present."

"Aww Cloud, you rock! What is it? C'mon, buddy, I'm dying to know!"

"Wait." Cloud got out of bed and dug into his backpack. Zack's heart almost stopped when he pulled out a familiar looking purple box.

"OMG, a Furby?"

"Yup. And I checked with all the experts to make sure it wasn't 'hacked'. Tsk, experts on Furbys...Anyway it looks good enough."

"Are you kidding? It's BEAUTIFUL!"

"Erm...Have fun. Happy birthday."

"Where are you going? I thought you'd wanna see this thing in action!"

"Uhhh-the shower, Zack. In case you haven't noticed, everyone's still gotta work."

One of the cons of being a SOLDIER is that no one even acknowledges your birthday. Even calls home aren't allowed. Though that was acceptable for most of his co-workers, Zack wanted a little more, not in a selfish way, but in an 'it's my special day amd I have feelings' kind of way. Luckily (for some at least) his Furby could maybe, just maybe help that.

Zack was called down to Sephiroth's office. Like last time, he had to show his boss his new Furby.

"Seph! My life is complete!"

"Zackary, if you even think of bringing that talking bird anywhere near Shinra, I'll-"

"It's not hacked, I swear! Spike made sure of it. See? It's not even hungry."

"Spike? Oh, the Strife kid. Well, I'd like to wish you a happy birthday-"

"YAYY YOU REMEMBERED!"

"Yes, well, Shinra has now begun giving days off on birthdays. I personally don't see a point, but I digress. So you can-"

Zack was already gone, off to show Aerith his new Furby. He found it funny how even in January her flowers were blooming better than ever before.

"Zack! Happy bir - tell me that isn't a Furby..."

"Yuuup! But don't worry, it's perfectly sane. It doesn't want food OR my hand in marraige!"

"Everybody wins. Oh, and I have a present for you!"

"Aww, Aerith, you didn't have to do-"

From out of nowhere came the sound of someone coughing.

"Zack?"

"Maybe this thing IS hacked..."

As the coughing became louder and more violent, both Zack and Aerith hesitated.

"Well...what are we gonna do?"

"Maybe it's just sick. It's January after all. It's cold."

Desperate, Zack whipped out a Cure materia and attempted to heal his suffering Furby."

"Zack, materia won't help inanimate objects..."

"Well I gotta do _something_!"

The Furby suddenly stopped coughing and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I SAID I'M COLD!"

Aerith sighed.

"Yeah well somedays I wish my hair wasn't so spikey, or maybe that I was a little shorter or , oh I dunno, THAT eBAY WOULD STOP SELLING HACKED FURBYS TO ME!"

"I'M STILL COLD!"

At last, Aerith finally snapped. With uncharacteristic strength and fierceness, she threw Zack's Furby through the gaping hole in the church's ceiling.

"A-Aerith?"

She blushed. "Umm...and now for your present!" Aerith handed Zack a little gift bag.

"YAYY CRISIS CORE! How'd you know?"

"Well, doesn't the guy on the cover kinda look like you?"

Zack stared hard. "I don't see that at all."

She laughed. "Well, birthday boy, I've got some errands to run."

"But I have the whole day off!"

"Well you can play your new game. That thing's expensive, y'know."

"Okay!"

On the way to pick up his PSP, Zack could still hear the Furby screaming at him. He forced himself not to look back.

"How's the Furby?" Cloud asked when Zack reached his room. "Umm...WHERE is the Furby?"

"Screaming for help on a lonely street corner in Sector 5, why do you ask?"

"ZACK!"

"It's not my fault, really! And look, I've got Crisis Core!"

Cloud took the case in his hands. "The guy on the back looks familiar..."

"I know right! Err...Cloud do you think that maybe..."

"Maybe that's you?"

Zack squealed. "IMMA STAR! I'd like to thank the academy!"

Cloud chuckled. "Me too? All of us?"

"Deja vu, man!"

A week later (A very LONG week for Cloud who had to put up with Zack's passion for his video game self 24/7) Zack finished the game.

"Shoot! I died...again...literally...Whoa, Cloud, what if this is all gonna happen to me?"

"Zack. It's three in the freakin' morning. Get some sleep."

"But-"

"I really doubt that the game is an exact biography. Maybe someone overexaggerated."

"Okay..."

"Zack? Zack, are you crying?"

"No..."

Cloud rolled out of bed and came to Zack.

"Just put the game down. It'll do us both good. Pleeeaase?"

"Kay."

The next morning, you'd never know that Zack had been contemplating death. He was his usual bubbly, happy self. Today, there was a treasure to find in the plains.

Zack found it easily, with Reno waiting for him.

"Yo, kid, I gotta tell you something."

"Uh...Okay?"

"You know all these Furbys you've been buying off of eBay?"

"Yeeeeahh?"

"Well - Maybe, just maybe - I'm...selling them-"

Zack didn't hesitate to slap Reno across the face. "What?"

"Look, man, isn't there something we can do to get even?"

"Ohhh yeah. Just you wait." Zack raided the treasure chest and headed back.

"Zack?" Cloud asked curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Wait...aha! Send!"

"Zack..."

"Shhh-It's a secret. Come down to the lobby with me, I've got the perfect sweet revenge!"

"Revenge?"

Once in the lobby, full of infantrymen getting their morning cup of coffee, Zack shouted, "Everyone, this is an emergency. All of you have recieved a very urgent message. Please check your eMail ASAP!"

Cloud was first to act upon the order. Upon checking his messages, he noticed one that probably should've been spam. It was titled 'PAYBACK TIME RENO!' and it had been sent to everyone in the Shinra building. From Zack? No way!

It read 'Now we're even' and there was a video attatched: Reno doing the Macarana? Cloud could barely stand to watch.

When Zack came back to his room, Cloud demanded an explanation. He showed up with his Furby.

"It was lonely! And it took hours to find this!"

As Zack held his Furby friend tight, he heard it mumble "Sweet revenge!"

In the faraway Turks dorm, Reno was heard screaming.

**Thanks guys! Patience pays off! I hope...**


End file.
